I wannas sexs uuuuu
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
