She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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