I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
