It's Friday. Sex?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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