so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
