in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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