Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Randomize
