Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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