Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
