how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
