its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
