how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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