Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
