Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
