you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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