then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
There r osticjed everywhere
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Randomize
