Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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