2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
