Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
