I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
