totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
