Please, let me fuck your mom
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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