Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
