Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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