Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
