I puked a lego.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
