ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
