I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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