forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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