Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
