Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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