I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
This is the high leading the old right now
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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