Whod you bang
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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