the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
