ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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