It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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