i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
