You just made me feel so damn special
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
