You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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