8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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