isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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