Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
