Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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