I want you more than these girls want KFC
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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