i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
