I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
