There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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