I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
