I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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