I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
4 words: hood of his car
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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