So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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